First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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