I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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