Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
