I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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