my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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