It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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