Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
