I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
