his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
