i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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