but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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