I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hippo gnu deer
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
