no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His hands were made for my vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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