we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
