office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
