you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
