There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
