i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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