He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love having hate sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
