We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
