I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
