I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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