Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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