help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
how does that bad decision feel?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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