I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
