I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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