Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
