Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
