i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
