Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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