Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Still dying that you shit outside
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
