i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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