Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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