you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
