I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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