I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
