why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
