I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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