After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
