my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
