I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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