do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my poor anus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
