coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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