I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
