I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
