Swine flu. Run for my life!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
