my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
