yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
