I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
