Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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