Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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