dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
