Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
