in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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