it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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