Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
