i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
