Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
