Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
