saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
