I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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