Im at strip club and am horny
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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