hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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