I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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