also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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