I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
