I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Even my vagina gasped.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
