It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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