I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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