you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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