If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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