you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You need a sexual gate keeper
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
