he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
