Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
