too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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