i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
