I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i came on her dog
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
