He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
