Your dad touched me again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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