I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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